The Parent Trap 

This doesn’t apply to all of my readers, but it definitely applies to some! This may be a controversial post for some people, but please read on…

Some women have been known to trap a guy into marriage or parenthood against their wishes by trying to get pregnant. I’m sure most of us have met a man who has been a victim of it. I say victim because it is a primal need to have sex. I understand some religions are against birth control and I completely understand the moral dilemma on abortion. I am not talking about accidental pregnancy, here nor am I talking about the situations in which these things are factored in. I am talking about the manipulative women who SAY they are preventing a pregnancy, but are not. Sometimes this is out of desperation to keep the guy around because they feel he is slipping away (because ALL happy endings start that way, yes?) with no regard for the future impact this will have. Fact is, you ONLY get pregnant when you are ovulating. SAYING you’re not when you know you are in hopes of producing a life is a real issue in men’s rights. Don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist…. but in that moral stance on equality I also see the men’s rights as well… let’s continue.

Suddenly, a man and a woman choose to have sex (because the need for sex is much higher in men than women on average… they are horn dogs) and suddenly, after the break up the woman says “but I’m pregnant!”. Sometimes she is, sometimes it’s a lie for attention to keep the guy around JUST LONG ENOUGH to try and make it work. Either way, these woman use life as an excuse to get their way.

My husbands ex actually told her third husband after their divorce she was pregnant and wanted to get an abortion so he would fork over $500 for it. She wasn’t pregnant. She can’t get pregnant as her tubes have been tied (which he was either gullible enough to believe or didn’t know to begin with). When this was happening, she got drunk and told me and my husband that she is “either pregnant or has cervical cancer”… okay, cervical cancer would have symptoms more similar to a miscarriage, not a pregnancy. I know this because cervical cancer runs in my family and prior to my Endometriosis diagnosis, I looked at cancer as the source for my symptoms. She should have done her research. Flag one that she was lying.

Red flag two was when she left her Facebook logged in on her sons iPad. Of course I’m going to look. She had an entire thread talking to her ex about the “baby he made her murder”. Wait… how could there of been a baby to murder if she can’t get pregnant to begin with? Seems someone was keeping secrets her entire third marriage which is likely part of the reason they got divorced to begin with…

On the flip side of this, I had a friend in college who’s girlfriend was super young. She told him she was on birth control and she wasn’t. 3 months later they were forced to get married by her parents to stay pure in the eyes of God and he church community. It was a horrible marriage and, once again, this couple ended in divorce. She is a wonderful girl now and I’m actually sort of friends with her, but I can’t say I always felt that way about her. She grew up. Unfortunately, she chose a path that prevented either of them to respect each other or for him to trust her enough to ever let it go and it ruined both of their early twenties which is the prime life stage to date and get to know yourself. This is when most people find a career or finish college. It’s silly starting over from scratch and being a divorcee at 25 with an 8 year old and now there is no college or work experience because those years were spent playing games and trying to make something work that started in a shady place.

My last example is a guy that I had been friends with for several years. His ex girlfriend got pregnant when she was just 17 and he was 21 and in college. Her parents made her have the baby (he thinks she planned it…) and he never wanted to get back together with her. Fast forward 16 years, the kid is going to be 16 this year. The guy is terrified to date anyone seriously because of the hold she has on his life with the “keep away” game with the child and the insane amount of child support he pays her. Let’s also add, she has three children by three different dads that all pay insane amounts of support. She doesn’t have to work because her child support alone is more than my upper management salary.

The main thing these guys have in common is they love their children and fight very hard to be with them. This last guy hasn’t seen his kid in years because the mother won’t let him out of spite. Why work for her paycheck by arranging visitation and being civil when she can play monkey in the middle, reap the benefits of not being married to the fathers and still date douche bags who get praised for raising another guys kid? Fighting is expensive and often times, the court system doesn’t favor the father, anyway. So these men just eat shit for 18 plus years.

Now, this is the part where I’m REALLY going to piss a few people off…

Let’s remove the word “pregnancy” and “parenting” and replace it with the word “rape”. Here me out…

How many of these woman would be okay with a man saying “If you leave me, I will rape you!”. I’m positive 100% would be filing restraining orders. Makes me feel icky just writing it! Let’s say these woman were planning to break up with these men and they raped her. That’s even more fucked up!

We can all agree rape is inhumane and disgusting, right? Boils the blood and makes all of us seething mad! It ruins women’s lives and scars them for decades. Keeps them from trusting someone and opening up physically and emotionally. Ruins self image and self worth. Makes women question themselves. Doing this to men is a lot like repeatedly raping them, emotionally. When a woman says “no” to her body, 100% of people would agree she has that right! If you don’t think rape is bad, remove yourself now because I don’t want to be associate with you! When a man says “no” to his future being ruined, he is a horrible person? Why?

We need to break the stigma that ALL mothers are good. That ALL men who are not married to the mother of their child are bad. Sometimes, they didn’t want it and did what they thought was preventing it. Some women are just evil!

Now, I know some of you are thinking “if you don’t want a child, don’t have sex”. Okay. Valid. But I can say for a fact that to this day, I, a married woman, don’t have sex to reproduce. I have sex with my husband because it’s fun and enjoyable and feeling close to him makes me happy. Sometimes we do it because we are bored! I don’t want anyone, religious views or not, to keep me from enjoying my marital right because the Pope said so.

What do you think?

– Step Mommy Dearest

2 thoughts on “The Parent Trap 

Add yours

  1. Wow, this is a deep post! I agree that the pregnancy/parenting trap is absolutely horrid. (I’m reminded of the positive pregnancy tests sold on ebay…) There has to be some serious inner issue in the works for a person to use pregnancy or a child to manipulate another person into handing over emotional validation or monetary supplement.

    Accidents happen, but yes… Intentionally “oopsing,” real or not, is all sorts of wrong. It even makes me think a little of Munchausen Syndrome. An unstable, desperate cry for attention or sympathy.

    I also think some might use this sort of manipulation as a form of martyrdom. “Look at me raising this child he only pays for.” They play their sneaky cards and keep the balance tipped in their own favor. People love to bash child support dads.

    And I think this whole concept says a lot about how the world views children. Not even as people, but as pawns, accessories, tools to make ourselves into something else.

    Like

    1. That’s the sad thing. I didn’t go too deep into it because I’m saving it for another post, but it’s a sad thing when life is used as a bargaining chip for an ulterior motive. We, as adults, say we want to be seen as people and yet treat children as if they are a possession.

      Liked by 1 person

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